GoodBye Tani

Tania came over last night. It was the 1st time I had a girls' night in Australia. Too bad, she is going back Singapore tomorrow. How I wish I can be on that plane with her.

She shared with me how she had dealt with being here alone when she came to study. It was the hardest in the 1st year, especially during the 1st few months. I admire her courage. If I had been in her shoes, I don't think I could survived. She said that there were many times when her mom asked her to go back. Her mom believes that one should be happy from the inside, no matter what. To cope with the loneliness, she had been on Skype and Msn with her mom everyday, to the point that her mom couldn't cope with it. But even though she so wanted to pack her bag and head home, Tania managed to pull it through. Now she got her degree. After 7 long years. 

I have just been here for like nearly 4 months. I dare not say I'm coping well. I miss home too much. I feel so out of place. Chinese New Year is coming. I should have gotten numerous celebration shows, head to Chinatown, and visiting family and friends. But it seems so far. As days go by, it seems harder. I hardly go out, I hardly see anybody, I hardly do anything. 

Eric wanted to get me air ticket. But seriously, we can not afford it. Furthermore, I don't even know if it will do me well to even go back now. I might not want to leave. Every other minute I am thinking of Singapore. Many friends told me that I would miss the food most. But I am a bit selfish here. I miss my life most. The kinda life that I dreamed of when I was a kid. The kinda life that I endured so much and tried so hard to make it come true. All which now belong to yesterdays'. 

Every other minute I'm thinking of home. I wondered how Cleo did it. Tania said that no matter what path we choose, we will always feel the regret. I agree with her. We will never be truly happy here nor there. That is the hardship that we have to carry through our whole life. We will start to drift apart from everything that we had known. Our family and friends. I haven't even see my new born niece. We can't be there when someone needs us. We can be there for even a cup of coffee. 

Tania cried so much when she just arrived. I dare not. I don't want Eric to worry about me too much. He works so hard to put everything together. I just have to become stronger. My head is pounding. Thinking too much I guess. Need to stop it..