It has been almost a week since the disasters hit Japan. I had so wanted to go there for my honeymoon, because it is my favorite country after all. I really wonder how long it would take them to recover. So many dead and missing. So much pain and suffering. Everytime I hear another news about Japan, my heart just broke into pieces.

I pray that they will have the faith and strength to take a day at a time, to move forward, for a better future, even though the process will be slow. I pray that God will look after them and keep shinning His love for them, give them hope and courage to face the future.

I pray...

2nd work place

So I now work 2 places. 1 is a factory hand, the other is a retail sales gal. Think I might be able to handle the 2. The 1st place is just pure labour work. I get so sick of it sometimes. The 2nd, LoLz, I must say, it's pretty easy. Although I have to learn about the products that we are selling, 3/4 of the time I am interpreting for the manager and the boss. The boss is from China, and knows limited english. So I have to go back and forth with EVERYTHING that they are trying to converse. I repeat myself so much that I get blur sometimes. But it's cash. So, it's okie then.

Wish that I can be dancing instead of leading this kinda boring life.

Looking forward to drinking session this Sunday. But I can't drink if I have to work on Monday. Hmmm... agony... Hoping for double pay too. So what to do?

And I also need my long overdue massage. My body feels like it is going to shatter soon.

It's been more than a year since I last blogged. Today, I just suddenly felt like blogging.

Life has been a little bit better now. I am not as depress as I was when I just got to Australia. So... Is it a good thing?

I have yet to fully accept life here. But I managed to cope on a day by day basis. Work, cook, online, slp. That is the daily routine now.

Adeline is stopping by on Wednesday for 9 hrs. Can't wait to see her. I think it will be a good recharge for me. Need some Singaporeness....

GoodBye Tani

Tania came over last night. It was the 1st time I had a girls' night in Australia. Too bad, she is going back Singapore tomorrow. How I wish I can be on that plane with her.

She shared with me how she had dealt with being here alone when she came to study. It was the hardest in the 1st year, especially during the 1st few months. I admire her courage. If I had been in her shoes, I don't think I could survived. She said that there were many times when her mom asked her to go back. Her mom believes that one should be happy from the inside, no matter what. To cope with the loneliness, she had been on Skype and Msn with her mom everyday, to the point that her mom couldn't cope with it. But even though she so wanted to pack her bag and head home, Tania managed to pull it through. Now she got her degree. After 7 long years. 

I have just been here for like nearly 4 months. I dare not say I'm coping well. I miss home too much. I feel so out of place. Chinese New Year is coming. I should have gotten numerous celebration shows, head to Chinatown, and visiting family and friends. But it seems so far. As days go by, it seems harder. I hardly go out, I hardly see anybody, I hardly do anything. 

Eric wanted to get me air ticket. But seriously, we can not afford it. Furthermore, I don't even know if it will do me well to even go back now. I might not want to leave. Every other minute I am thinking of Singapore. Many friends told me that I would miss the food most. But I am a bit selfish here. I miss my life most. The kinda life that I dreamed of when I was a kid. The kinda life that I endured so much and tried so hard to make it come true. All which now belong to yesterdays'. 

Every other minute I'm thinking of home. I wondered how Cleo did it. Tania said that no matter what path we choose, we will always feel the regret. I agree with her. We will never be truly happy here nor there. That is the hardship that we have to carry through our whole life. We will start to drift apart from everything that we had known. Our family and friends. I haven't even see my new born niece. We can't be there when someone needs us. We can be there for even a cup of coffee. 

Tania cried so much when she just arrived. I dare not. I don't want Eric to worry about me too much. He works so hard to put everything together. I just have to become stronger. My head is pounding. Thinking too much I guess. Need to stop it.. 

New Idea for Quick Warm Up in Cold Weather

Hahaha! This is one of those ideas that comes out during the moment of shower. Yes, how to warm up fast during cold weather.

One of the reason why I slacked on pole was cos it's so hard to get myself warmed up. I would do 15 minutes of 'soft' warm up, follow by 15 minutes of of Zumba Fitness. But then I get all breathless, and still no sweat. Just a little bit warm, comfortable to remove my jacket. Yesterday, after all the terrible work out at Pole Diva, I didn't even perspire a single drop, though I was breathless a good 1 hour after the lesson.

So here it is, my shower inspired idea. It is to go for a very hot shower before doing any exercise! Hhaha. Might sound really silly. Like y make yourself clean before exercising, right? But well, it worked for me. Cos after just 5 minutes of pole, I started to perspire. So from now onwards, I'm gonna use this method to pole jam. Don't think I will be posting up vidz so soon. Needa get back into shape 1st. Have to catch up to their stamina then I will start showing off again. Muahahhaah!!!

Nightmare at Pole Divas!

Last night I went to read Xiaxue's blog. It's actually quite entertaining. I would have expected her to be using proper English and all, but here and there were some singlish. It makes me feel close to home. She also meet her finance via the net. Haha. And it looks fruitful.

Today I went to Pole Divas. I must tell you, it is dam shiong!!!! My God. And there I was thinking that Int 3 would be peanuts for me. Since my grader told me that I know most of the moves in Int 3, but asked me to join just to get my stamina back. So I thought, well, why not? I haven't been active in pole for quite some time.

So I went there, saw the Adv class, and thought, ah... easy... But I was so dam wrong. We had a 15 minute work out. Not the usual relax work out to get your body into the exercising mode. But a hard core cardio work out, involving running around a big studio, and climbing up the poles. After the 15 minutes, I was so out of breath. In my mind, I was thinking jia lat.....

We went straight into combos. It was 1 combo after another. We were told to do 1 combo for a couple of times, then the instructor would go on to the next. And mind you, it was non-stop. All the combo moves were easy. But I just couldn't catch up. Furthermore, I had trouble understanding cos the terms were different. I had to observe and then do it. So they do things like mid chopper to scopio, scopio variation, tammy, handstand recover. Then they did some other variations involving these moves. But its over and over... I didn't have time to catch my breath. I was thinking, wha lao... if push further, I sure faint. 

Lastly, before the cool down, we had to do 5 sit ups from bat. Again I had trouble. Breathless, I was struggling in to straight-leg bat, which I'm so helpless in. I couldn't even get to the straight-leg bat to do the sit ups.... The instructor told me to go home practice straight legs. ARGH..... 

So I really have to brush up on my techniques and most importantly my stamina. Otherwise I will never graduate at this rate. 

So anyway, to pole friends, I don't think I am able to take any pic or vidz. Really hard. Don't even have time to catch my breath... I was still breathless after 1/2 hr on the way home. Crazy right?!?!? I called Ming immediately to tell her about it. And she laughed hard. Lolz. I will jia you over here, while you all also work hard k? I will still go to our FB page to update. ^.^

Kambate!

P/S: During shower, I was reflecting about the class. All the moves are easy to to me. So why did I fair so badly. Then it hit me. It was the run and the climb. I felt like I was doing army training than anything else. And mind you, the ceiling is higher than Ming's and we have to climb to the top. Same goes for the mid air combos. The ang mos take 3-4 climbs. I take about 7 climbs and only reach 3/4 of the pole!!! So by the time I reach there, all I could think of is to slid down, sit on the floor, pang san, Like how I used to do at Ming's. But no time, cos after i did one move out of the combo and slid down, instructor will tell us to do again, or change another routine.... Sweat.....

Home Sick

The stars were bright. As I looked at the surrounding of my house, I felt somewhat alienated. I am truly homesick. 

Haven't logged in to FB for a while. Browsing through my friends' profiles, looking at their pictures, I can't help but feel envious. The life that I once so enjoyed is no longer valid for me. 

I'm afraid of changes. I don't take it well. And due to this, I am surprised that I chose to leave Singapore. Eric is perfect. Everything that I wanted for as a husband. I can't complain more. So why this aching in my heart?

I try not to contact my friends too much. Not because I have forgotten them. But because, other than saying I miss them, I can't find words to further describe my feelings. Still, I tried to make an effort, cos they are important. I hunger for the details of their life, that is now denied to me. They make the usual complaints, of work, of their mundane life. I see them as colors that fill my darkened sky. I have no motivation at all. The drive and the excitement that I used to have, where are they?

I wonder when the aching will go away, when I can finally accept this strange place as home. A friend told me that it took her 3 years to find it. Will it take me that long too? Where can I find that strength?