Home Sick

The stars were bright. As I looked at the surrounding of my house, I felt somewhat alienated. I am truly homesick. 

Haven't logged in to FB for a while. Browsing through my friends' profiles, looking at their pictures, I can't help but feel envious. The life that I once so enjoyed is no longer valid for me. 

I'm afraid of changes. I don't take it well. And due to this, I am surprised that I chose to leave Singapore. Eric is perfect. Everything that I wanted for as a husband. I can't complain more. So why this aching in my heart?

I try not to contact my friends too much. Not because I have forgotten them. But because, other than saying I miss them, I can't find words to further describe my feelings. Still, I tried to make an effort, cos they are important. I hunger for the details of their life, that is now denied to me. They make the usual complaints, of work, of their mundane life. I see them as colors that fill my darkened sky. I have no motivation at all. The drive and the excitement that I used to have, where are they?

I wonder when the aching will go away, when I can finally accept this strange place as home. A friend told me that it took her 3 years to find it. Will it take me that long too? Where can I find that strength?