Growing up and the package that comes with it
I was over at my biz partner's house the other day, with the rest of the gang who will take part in helping his wedding. It was funny how we were trying to cox them into doing the traditional stuff. But of cos, at the end of the day, wedding is for the couple. So they should be the ones who will decide the do's and the dont's.
Now I keep thinking how mine will be like. Some how, my thoughts about a marriage life stops short at the wedding night... I think my boyfriend will freak out reading this post.... but yes, I think I have a fear in the whole concept of marriage life.
It's funny how things are turning out for the both of us. He is, by the way, 4 yrs younger than me. But he is so ready to be commited in a marriage. He even shares his dreams to me, his family and friends about the ideas he has of our future. All these, versus his older galfriend, who is so afraid of stepping in to one.
I do think that he is the one for me. And I know that I will want to share my the rest of my life with him. It is not that I do not want to be commited to him or i am seeing anyone else behind his back, though it turns out to be, I am a "yes, but" person.
All these years, J have always spent so much time with my friends, often drifting from one group to the other, hanging out with the singles group till they find themselves partners. They are the ones i go to when I have problems, when I needed companion. They were the ones who celebrated my many birthdays, christmas, and other festive occassions. Deep inside, I know tat the groups of friends will never stay long enough. Because, unlike me, they will eventually find their partners and move on to build a world of their own. That is when i move to another group.
At home, I'm the youngest of the 4 siblings, and I mean, a lot younger. Let's just say that all of them are already past 30's and one of them is hitting 40's soon. Being so young in the family, I have this unbelievable mindset that I am still VERY young. I really feel that I'm in my early 20's, when in actual fact, I have just pass mid. Growing up/old is a scary thougt. Responsibilties that comes with it are all the more frightening. No matter how much I try to run away from growing up and the package that comes with it, there are people around me, reminding me the reality. How do you face the truth? Seriously, I'm still young. aren't I?
Since the time i started dating, I never have anyone by my side long enough. They were either long distance relationships, not suitable, or i realised too late that they were someone else's boyfriend, and I was the "spared tyre." And even with this current relationship, believe it or not, I have only spent 17 days physically with him, in our 1 1/2 years long relationship. Even though we communicate and spend a lot of time together, we are still a distant away. It is already pretty amazing that we are able to reach the stage we are at. For many, this relationship might just be a fantasy. But being commited, it means that I have to learn to accept having someone by my side for a long long time. Something that has never happened before. And this time, I will have to learn this new 'skill' in a totally new environment, where all that I have known and grew up with is no where near me.
How do I make myself stronger from here? I have already been to where most people wouldn't dare to venture into. I have chosen to trust my judgement and given so much in this relationship. What more can i ask for, when his family likes me, and the man of my dreams wants to spend the rest of his life with me as well?
4 comments:
All you can do is give it a shot and do your best.
No amount of preperation can substitute for the experience itself.
It looks like you are already aware
that the whole thing isn't going to be one 50 year honeymoon.
With patience, consideration and LOTS of communication a mariage can work.
Don't let hard feelings build up and you will be fine.If you and your partner are on the same page with the same goals the road will be a lot less bumpy.
It is very important to remember not to talk to your parents about arguments and disagreements you may have with your spouse. The same goes for a husband who may have a habit of running to mommy everytime the wife spends too much money or burns the dinner.
A man and wife marry each other..not each others families. it is a tough balancing act.To be successful you cannot invite other people into your personal married life.
I've been married for 15 years and this advice has worked pretty well so far.
hey hammer! u ought to be a marriage consultant for all of us.
as for dear kelly... u really shouldnt be so hard on yourself. its perfectly normal to be fearful cause future is unknown to us. but look at it this way... its really hard to find someone whom u love and who loves u back. there can be many "buts" but its then up to bothn of u to keep the marriage alive n happy.
take care dear. muacks
i realised that i have been whinning a lot abt this issue recently. some friends think that im freaking out already.
i must thank you for all the time u have taken to listen to my story. i will try to absorb all of this information. i will try to think of the positive side of things.
yalo, sis. No need to worry so much la. :)
It's life. Maybe that's why i never believe in rehearsals when preparing to do class presentations, cos in life there's no chance for me to rehearse any situation at all... we all have to learn to deal wif things impromptu as and when they juz pop up. :)
Age is something which juz increase wif the years passed... and yes, our bodies change wif this increasing age, maybe not that much to our liking... BUT, what's more important is that the way we want to live life will NEVER change... as long as we can live life the way we want to and be happy about it, i think nothing in the world can beat that. :D
if there're so much hapiness u already can see now liao, then juz do it~~~ hurhur... ^_^
leave all the "buts" to one side and juz go wif the flow lo... like i always say, sui yuan ba... i wish u 2 happiness. ;)
--kf
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